Silver Cross Chaplain Says the Grief We Feel During the Holidays is the Final Act of Love for Those We Love

Darla Fernandez Draus has served as chaplain at Silver Cross Hospital in New Lenox since May of this year, but she feels blessed about the connections she has made. 

“I love it so much here. We are interfaith, so I get to minister to people of all faiths, or people of no faiths,” she explains.

The unfortunate commonality among all faiths this time of year, however, is the grief shared by those who’ve lost loved ones. They’re mourning while much of the world is celebrating. 

“It can be something recent or triggered by longtime traditions associated with the person who is no longer with us. There is no timeline on grief. It never goes away; it just changes,” she said. 

Draus explained this to a group of Silver Cross employees recently at the hospital’s annual “Mourning Breakfast,” held to help them understand and accept the grief they’re experiencing during the holidays. 

“I told them about the four tasks in dealing with grief: accepting the loss of the loved one; working through the pain; adapting to a world without them; and finding an enduring connection with the loved one. 

“Maybe that connection is through scrapbooking or journaling favorite memories, revisiting fun stories of the past. Remembering the long-time traditions or making new ones. Or even supporting a charity that was dear to the loved one can help. 

“Adapting means finding ways to normalize life without them, remembering what defined your relationship and accepting it; not keeping busy with scrolling on your phones and other social media.” 

Grief also can cause physical pain – body aches, headaches, poor sleep and weakness. “We need to allow ourselves to grieve, cry if necessary. But we can help ourselves by maintaining a good diet, regular exercise and trying to get more sleep,” Draus added. 

Draus knows, and feels, what she shares. A longtime family friend to whom she was ministering passed away Dec. 15, 2019. 

“She was a beautiful young teen, and also, her birthday was near Christmas. I think of her every Dec 15. I’m still in touch with the family, and we talk about her often. She would be in college now.” 

One tangible way she, and others working at and visiting Silver Cross, remember loved ones is the “Blue Tree,” set up during the holidays in the chapel. 

“We have blue ornaments and special markers so people can write the names of the loved ones they lost and hang the ornaments on the tree. After the holidays, they can take them home. 

“These times can be difficult, but also finding a way to help others can help us, too. 

“Accepting the loss can be the most difficult. But we have to remember the love is still there. Grief is the last act of love we give to those we loved.” 

If you’re grieving this holiday season, know you’re not alone. Reach out to a friend or a trusted clergy member; take a walk outside to see the lights; make a favorite recipe with family members; or call someone you haven’t talked to in a while. 

For prayer, meditation or quiet reflection, the hospital’s chapel is open to visitors during normal visiting hours, 6 a.m. to 8 p.m. daily. 

For more information about Silver Cross Hospital, visit www.silvercross.org